A Lesson in Character

My mother is dying. Not a great thing to bring up in conversation or share at a party, but it is the truth. It effects everything I think and feel and do. It makes me angry, sad, mad, emotional, and vulnerable. It makes me yell at dogs, slam doors, avoid people and cry at the slightest offense.

Keeping up keeping up is exhausting but I want to do a good job at being a good daughter. I love her and feel a sense of history passing that I want to preserve and hold on to. I am not ready to be parentless; are we ever ready to be parentless?

It is the hardest thing I've ever done and in some way it seems to be a test that you are always preparing for yet never ready to take. It is a lesson in character, fortitude, love, purpose, thoughtfulness and I have no effect on the outcome. In helping her, I help myself; in preparing her I prepare myself; in loving her, I learn to love myself. Even while she is fading she is teaching me.

A Dose of My Own Medicine

Mark your calendars and alert the media! Today, I am actually going to, without delay and excuses, do what I tell everyone else to do. My recent July newsletter (see www.darlaarni.com if you don't subscribe), mentioned making the summer count and not letting it slip away. That would include relaxing and enjoying some of it, which I'm not good at. I know it is right, I help other people learn how to do it, but my recovering perfectionist nature fights it every step of the way.

But today, as soon as my daughter drags her body out of bed, we are going to enjoy the day sketching, eating, walking, talking, meandering. Because it is the right thing to do, because it is on our summer To Do List, and because soon she won't even want to be seen with me in public, let alone talk to me.

Seizing the day,
Darla