How Full is Your Well?

No, not a well that holds water, I'm referring to your 'Creative Well". While I believe all of us can be creative in our own chosen fields of interest and daily life, that doesn’t mean we are always our creative best. Let’s face it, some days I have great ideas and just can’t get them down on paper fast enough and other days I need a cup of coffee or a diet Coke before the cobwebs clear enough for me to focus. Other days I am productive in many ways and can accomplish a lot but am not very creative. I have come to accept this ebb and flow and learned that there are things I can do to replenish my creativity and bring myself back. These are simple, fun, sometimes off the wall ideas that can rejuvenate you, add spark to your day and help you be your best. What works doesn’t have to be hard, it just has to work.

My top five:
1. Going for a drive: I know gas isn’t cheap and this may not be feasible for you, but because I travel to do what I do, it works for me. If I have a problem to solve or an idea that has been incubating in my brain, I can count on several hours of alone time in my car, watching the countryside go by, to come up with my best ideas. The hardest part is remembering them when I get out of the car. I’ve tried a small voice recorder in my car, calling myself and leaving a voice mail message, writing clues for myself on scraps of paper while I’m driving and pulling over at an exit to get those thoughts on paper before they are lost. If you have a better way of capturing creative thoughts while driving, I’m open for suggestions!

2. Quiet, alone time: Those close to me have heard me say this over and over till they are probably tired of hearing it. I need a certain amount of quiet time alone to feel balanced and creative. That was easy to accomplish when I was younger and single. However as a wife, mother, daughter of an aging parent, speaker and artist, it has become harder to come by. I have learned to steal snatches of quiet here and there and keep reminding myself that someday it will be quieter and I probably won’t like it!

3. Piddling: Piddling occurs when you have no huge goals, particular purpose or timelines looming and you allow yourself to do a little bit of this and a little bit of that. It can be done in your own home, it can be done while you’re shopping, or it can be done at work if you can get away with it. Piddling can be very productive and almost yoga like for me. I seem to get a certain far off look in my eye when I am pondering and piddling that scares my husband because he knows when I’m really thinking, something is about to change!

4. Exercise: Not complicated; running, walking, aerobic classes, dancing, swimming, walking your dog, whatever you like and will do on a regular basis works. It helps you physically and revives you mentally. Shake it up and change your routine to keep it fresh and keep yourself interested. I get inspired differently when I do different activities.

5. Quotes & Inspiring Articles: I love to meander through motivational books of quotes or short essays that reinforce my priorities. I am a firm believer of keeping several resources around that I can easily grab for motivation and inspiration. Some I recommend are:
-The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
-The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
-The Change-Your-Life Quote Book by Allen Klein
-www.quotationspage.com
-www.brainyquotes.com

More Ways to Refill Your Well:
-Take a shower-great for creative thinking and attitude lifting.
-Take time to doodle
-Take your watch off and lose track of time
-Use crayons, color pencils or colored markers for your to do lists, rough drafts, etc. to shake it up.
-Observe and play with pets or other animals
-Hang around young children-play with them, listen to them, do an activity with them. They are always original.
-Browse a bookstore or library
-Cooking-A creative outlet in itself, can be very freeing and allows for experimentation.
-Listen to music of your choice.

Stormy Weather

Not sure why but the past month has found us in the path of more thunderstorms and tornado warnings than usual for this time of year. In Missouri they can pop up and disappear with little warning, unless of course, you keep your eye on the weather radar. Whether you access it on a computer, phone, or TV it is fascinating to watch and helps you be prepared.

Tonight was one of those nights when we knew the storm was coming, which way it was turning, and what community it was going to hit when. The visual warning gives us time to prepare, as we did about an hour ago; moving chairs and plants close to the house, gathering pets to safety and laying down the basketball goal that during one wind storm ended up head first in my windshield. By the time the wind, lightening and sheets of rain hit we were able to watch the powerful display from a place of safety.

Which got me thinking, wouldn't it be great to have life radar? No more wondering what was coming up next, just bring up the radar and see when the next emergency, setback, challenge, promotion, or other wonderful event in life was going to happen. You could be prepared for whatever comes your way with full confidence and a sense of calm. But it doesn't work that way does it? The last few months have proven that changes can happen with little warning and assuming that everything as you know it will stay the same is foolish. We can still plan, dream and imagine the future as long as we understand that what we're counting on may not be in our future.

That's why you can't plan for specific life events. But you can have faith, be alert, and be the type of person that knows whatever happens to you in life can be handled. No specifics there but I think I'd rather take my chances and trust rather than always knowing what's coming next.

Give me unpredictable pop up storms, they keep me on my toes!

We are renovating! For a week now we have been without the use of our washer, dryer, stove and basically our entire kitchen. The first project is replacing the old vinyl with the awesome tile that took me three months to pick out and next is the counter tops.

Everything thing is going well, except for a few problems tiling through the six doorways involved in the project. The contractor is even nice, considerate, and does an excellent job. But, (you knew that was coming didn't you) no one can describe to you how renovations can be so upsetting to a household. Laundry had to be done at the laundromat 13 miles away; a load was forgotten in the washer so we had to go back again to rescue and dry it while we twiddled our thumbs. My keys are never in the same place and I can only hope we've kept up on the mail. The fridge is on the back porch, the washer and dryer are in the foyer, and the stove, along with pots and pans, drawers and tons of plastic containers have taken over the dining room. There are so many decisions to make along the way that as soon as I get a project started I am called away to approve a threshold, figure out a trim piece or make sure the grout is the right color. Plus the cleaning and straightening that needs to be done when the job is finished will be monumental.

Today might be the day he finishes up but I'm not getting my hopes up. As we near the end my advice is never go into a renovation expecting everything to turn out as planned.

Grissom is gone? Say it isn’t so!

Last week was the final episode of CSI that will feature Gil Grissom. For the past 9 years I have watched and devoured every detail of the show but I kept coming back because I love Grissom so much. I can’t imagine the show without him, no matter how great Laurence Fishburne turns out to be as Dr. Langston.

As a tribute to him I’m sharing the following article from my newsletter that Grissom inspired:

FOCUS POCUS
I love CSI. Not the watered down versions transported to other cities around the country; I mean the original Las Vegas one with Gil Grissom at the helm. I loved it before it was cool and the rest of the world started watching and I think it is intelligent television despite the plunging necklines and often-provocative scenarios. It makes me think, it challenges my brain, and Grissom adds a witty thoughtfulness to every episode.

After years of devoted CSI watching, one thing has always puzzled me. I noticed that when they begin to investigate a crime scene they whip out their flashlights. It doesn’t matter if it is midday or 3a.m. They use flashlights to examine every inch of the area, but why?

Recently I went on a frenzied search of my office for a particular book. After climbing bookshelves, pulling out drawers and blaming members of my family for my dilemma I thought of CSI. What would Grissom do? Feeling a little stupid I pulled out a flashlight and started going over all of the same places I had searched before. It took me five minutes and two shelves to find the long lost book.

I call my finding the Focus Pocus Effect. The flashlight helped me focus my full attention on what I was looking at instead of glossing over the details. The same thing occurs when a spotlight focuses our attention on the lead actor in a play.

So what has this got to do with you and your life? I think many of us inadvertently spend most of our life out of focus. Much of what we see and hear is a blur and we lose important details along the way. We lose out because we are so concerned with reliving the past or planning the future instead of attending to the present. Surprisingly, learning to pay attention to the NOW slows us down and makes us more efficient, productive and energetic. It’s called being mindful.

While you could stay focused by carrying a flashlight wherever you go, try these simple tips for living and focusing in the moment:
*Stop finishing sentences for others in conversations
*Stop thinking about last night or tomorrow while your living today.
*Start talking less and listening more.

(And it wouldn’t hurt to carry a small flashlight in your pocket or purse as a reminder!)

May I Help You?

Let's talk about telephone customer service. Today I called AT&T to check on setting up wi-fi for my home. I have DSL through them and, after searching everywhere I could think of on their website for the quick answer, I decided to call customer service. BIG MISTAKE.

I know it is never fun, but sometimes if you can get past the annoyingly calm and condescending male automated voice and can avoid the 'valley girl-my voice raises at the end of every sentence' female voice there is hope. Today, to begin with I got someone nice who knew nothing about DSL but did seem genuine and ended up talking me through switching to a different phone plan for one of our lines that will save me money. OK, that's fine, but then it went downhill. She said she could switch me to the DSL/modem department and I could ask about a new one. The next thing I know I am listening to the valley girl voice asking me about packages! I quickly began punching O over and over and eventually got a customer service rep, for UPS! Yes, I'm not kidding! The UPS lady said for some reason they keep getting Verizon and AT&T customers transferred to them and she was sorry but she could not transfer me back to AT&T. How long do you think that will continue before the right people get the message and fix it?

My quick question turned into two more routes through the system before I got a real person who could transfer me to DSL and gave me the number in case something went wrong. What I thought would take 15 minutes, ended up taking most of the hour.

I can't change the whole system but I do offer these suggestions:

*Give people a choice of automated voices and replace the annoying voices with ones that have a caring and compassionate tone.

*When someone reports an experience where you get transferred to a completely different company, direct them to someone so it can be reported.

*Teach all of your customer service people to have compassion and be able to say "I'm so sorry that happened to you, I will try to make this a better experience." At least they could acknowledge that you have a right to be a bit upset and they understand.

So be careful out there and if you need to call customer service, be prepared.

Darla the Plumber?

Well, that might be stretching it, but here's the story. A couple of weekends ago my husband, Paul, embarked on his yearly "Follow the Tigers" trip when he and his friends travel to watch the University of Missouri football team play an away game; this year it was to Lincoln, Nebraska. My daughter, Doran, and I look forward to this time to do our stuff, which usually includes an out of town shopping trip, I mean, it's only fair right?

Around 10:30 p.m. on Friday night we were getting in order so we could leave as soon as possible on Saturday morning. I was cleaning up in the kitchen and, having used the last paper towel, asked Doran to go downstairs and bring up some more rolls. When she came up from the basement she offhandedly asked, "You know the basement floor is all wet, right?" (This is when everything fell apart!)

I, in my old, but still comfy Victoria's Secret robe (do not think slinky or silky here, it's cotton and covers my entire body), headed down and discovered wet carpet, wet boxes, and water dripping from a pipe on the furnace that came from who knows where. After retreating to grab a pair of Crocks, I returned and began moving boxes, old golf club bags, a set of folding tv trays and 14-year-old Lego toys out of the way so I could begin to figure out what was happening. Doran was getting a bit excited now and wanted to help so I sent her for a flashlight, some old towels and finally banished her upstairs to keep her out of my way and iron our clothes for our shopping trip I was NOT giving up on yet!

Paul, was so glad to hear from me at 11 p.m. when I semi-hysterically told him the furnace was leaking, the basement was wet and asked if he had a clue what to do! Our plumber friend was nowhere to be found or else wisely decided not to answer anyone who was calling him after 10 o'clock at night. There were more phone calls back and forth, more drama, a few raised voices and a lot more leaking water until I told both of them to leave me alone to think and if I need them, I'll let them know. I sat on the damp concrete floor in a tiny space between the water heater, furnace and wall with dirty towels and my beloved robe wrapped around my legs as I mentally inventoried the situation and what I thought would work. By about 1:30 a.m. the leak was temporarily stopped with the aid of a hose and clamp I borrowed from the dehumidifier, the cut off necks of two large balloons I found in the attic and a lot of creative thinking.

By 2 a.m. I had notified Paul, taken a shower, and climbed into bed exhausted but kind of proud that I save the day, or at least the basement, by using my creativity and whatever we had on hand. My stop gap solution held for 3 days until Paul and the plumber could handle it in a more conventional way.

The lesson to be learned is, creativity isn't just for the fine arts, it's for life and it's inside you to use anytime you want to access it; I would suggest today!

Walnuts, leaves, and apples, Oh My!

I don't need a calendar to tell me that Fall has arrived. I can tell by the walnuts, leaves and apples that sprinkle my yard, deck and driveway turning them into obstacle courses. It seems no matter how hard we try we cannot keep up with the pace of nature as it deposits it's wares. Sure it can all be a pain, but autumn has always been my favorite season. I like the winding down of outdoor activities and chores as we begin to focus more on the inside. And, growing up on the farm, it always signaled a time of harvesting and gathering what you have grown and produced. I still can't help but feel I need to be using every last tomato, apple and squash before the first freeze.

It can also be a time of reflection and introspection as we hopefully have more time for reading, thinking and creating in the months ahead. This month in my e-newsletter I shared the fact that our two large walnut trees result in surprise bombs that can hit us at anytime as we cross the yard; much like life hits us with unexpected circumstances and challenges. Sometimes we can dodge the bad stuff that tries to get in our way, but sooner or later we get hit. We always have a choice, deal with it the best we can, bury our head in the sand or bring confidence and power to our life by marching on with a great attitude to boot! My choice today is focus on the upside and before you know it it will become automatic. Hmmmm, that might involve making an apple crisp so apples don't go to waste!

3 Weeks, 2 Weddings

This has become the summer of weddings! Who knew that anyone that was even close to getting married in our family would choose the month of July to do it in? The first one took place July 5th on the beautiful Outer banks of North Carolina at Kill Devil Hills. We luckily were able to go several days beforehand to enjoy the ocean, the weather, and the family who had gathered there. It was a rare time because all of the cousins were together, making new connections, plotting against the grownups, and generally having a good time. Everything with the wedding went off without a hitch and the bride, who you think would be the nervous one, was totally relaxed and in control. I especially liked it because I was responsible for nothing, which rarely happens in my life anymore. I was able to enjoy every bit of it which included lots of time to visit and catch up with my sister-in-law Sherry who happened to be the mother of the groom.

The second wedding occurs this weekend and involves more hands on experience. My husband's son is getting married in good ole 'hot in July', Missouri. The wedding, which was going to be outside has been moved inside, because the weather forecast is showing little relief for sweltering guests. Our daughter will be a bridesmaid for the first time and is a bit nervous about the walking in a long dress part, but whatever happens will make for terrific memories. Maybe she should start practicing soon? We actually have some responsibilities in this wedding production so the week will be busy and full of preparations, relatives flying in from other states, and I'm sure, a last minute crisis or two.

So we will end the month with two new additions to our family tree, both named Sarah, and both brave young women. I'd love to hear your wedding experiences and suggestions for keeping calm as the day approaches.

Learning about turnbuckles

My front porch is evolving into a wonderful retreat. This year I decided I wanted it to reflect a New England style, since my husband is from Rhode Island and we love it there. Everything has pulled together nicely with the adirondack chairs, a natural wood and shell wallhanging/wind chime I created last week and comfortable cushions and rugs. Because one end of the porch gets the strong morning to noon sun I have always wanted an outdoor drape that could be pulled to shield plants and people from the summer sun if needed. I was sure I had heard Martha Stewart mention one in her pre-prison stage.

Weeks ago I started my quest to either buy drapes already made or find indoor/outdoor fabric and make them myself. Online I found fabric called rugged red, hoped it would match the colors of the porch and it did. Two weeks later I finally finished planning, measuring, pressing and sewing the drapes so they could be hung. Now the question was how? The drapes measured approximately 90" x 90" and because they were made of all weather fabric, were quite heavy.

This is when I learned about turnbuckles. Instead of a curtain rod my husband suggested using heavy wire, eye hooks and a turnbuckle on one end to tighten the wire so the curtain rings would glide easily and it could all be easily removed. What is a turnbuckle? Webster's describes it as: a device that usually consists of a link with screw threads at both ends, that is turned to bring the ends closer together, and that is used for tightening a rod or stay. And it worked! The drapes are secure, it can be easily loosened and removed, and there is no bulky rod to mess with.

So if turnbuckles can exist all this time and I've never heard of them, then what else is out there that can be useful, make my life easier, or inspire creativity that I don't even know about? More than any of us can imagine. Want some new ideas? Start with exploring a hardware or home store with no particular purpose in mind. Just roam the aisles, brainstorm and discover new uses for old items or new products that inspire projects of their own. Creativity can hit you anywhere if you keep yourself open; why not go wandering today?

Porch Swing Wisdom

We just finished having our house painted. As a result, many of the creative, decorative things I usually do the the porch, deck, and other outside areas were delayed. I've lived for weeks with plants in pots and planters setting anywhere that's out of the way and normally comfortable spaces to sit and contemplate the world aren't even inhabitable yet. This was, of course, very hard for the control freak side of my personality. Hurry up and wait is not something I do well; and usually relaxing isn't either.

As we finally got the front porch in order so it could be enjoyed, my husband asked why I never like to sit in the porch swing? He and my daughter love it but I always decline. My reason; I am so short that I can't comfortably sit in the porch swing and reach the floor to keep it going. It makes me feel like Goldilocks sitting in Papa Bear's chair. From that discussion something monumental happened. We went to the local hardware store, bought more chain, and within half an hour the swing was lowered to an acceptable site for all. How long have I been living with the too high swing, 14 years!

My daughter and I set in the swing a couple of nights ago and relived our days, laughed, almost fell out and generally had a great mother/daughter time. I envision myself swinging along with a good book or just swinging and doing nothing any day now. I might even relax!

The moral is, look around your environment, your relationships, and your life. Often the smallest, easiest to do tweaking or change can make a huge positive impact. And a small change has a way of leading to more small changes and eventually big changes. Don't wait 14 years, do it now. Swing in your swing today.

Life Gets in the Way

So what happens when a person creates a blog and doesn't add anything to it for two years? Life, that's what happens! No one, not even me does something like that on purpose. Sometimes I thought about it but just couldn't bring myself to comment or relay in print all the things that were happening in my life. Maybe it was avoidance; don't write about, don't acknowledge it. Whatever, I have finally reached a point where writing about life, as it happens, might be a healthy thing to do.

Take last night for example. Beautiful evening, walking to the ballpark in our town to watch my daughter play softball seemed like a great thing to be doing. I remember making a mental note to myself how I had gotten so much better at handling the ups and downs; my mothers dementia, career challenges, husbands retirement, menopause, a teenager in the house just to name a few. As I near the park I see that people were running toward me and they didn't look too happy either! Before I even arrived I learned that my daughter had been hit in the eye with a ball, she had a bad cut above her right eye and my husband, her coach, had her in the truck and was frantically looking for me so we could rush her to the emergency room. A friend quickly whisked me into a car and ran me home where we intersected them, grabbed my purse and drove way over the speed limit to the nearest emergency room about 15 miles away.

Children never get too old to need Mom's hand as they are getting shot with painkillers and stitches! An hour and a half later we returned home at a much slower pace, exchanged her bloody jacket for a cleaner one and she insisted in going back to the ballpark to show her support to her team. Whew! So much for my quiet stroll to the park.

Today we are sore, bruised, stitched up and on the mend. Well at least the child is; I feel more like a mother lion prowling around protecting her young and lashing out at perceived threats! Better go check on my cub.

A Lesson in Character

My mother is dying. Not a great thing to bring up in conversation or share at a party, but it is the truth. It effects everything I think and feel and do. It makes me angry, sad, mad, emotional, and vulnerable. It makes me yell at dogs, slam doors, avoid people and cry at the slightest offense.

Keeping up keeping up is exhausting but I want to do a good job at being a good daughter. I love her and feel a sense of history passing that I want to preserve and hold on to. I am not ready to be parentless; are we ever ready to be parentless?

It is the hardest thing I've ever done and in some way it seems to be a test that you are always preparing for yet never ready to take. It is a lesson in character, fortitude, love, purpose, thoughtfulness and I have no effect on the outcome. In helping her, I help myself; in preparing her I prepare myself; in loving her, I learn to love myself. Even while she is fading she is teaching me.

A Dose of My Own Medicine

Mark your calendars and alert the media! Today, I am actually going to, without delay and excuses, do what I tell everyone else to do. My recent July newsletter (see www.darlaarni.com if you don't subscribe), mentioned making the summer count and not letting it slip away. That would include relaxing and enjoying some of it, which I'm not good at. I know it is right, I help other people learn how to do it, but my recovering perfectionist nature fights it every step of the way.

But today, as soon as my daughter drags her body out of bed, we are going to enjoy the day sketching, eating, walking, talking, meandering. Because it is the right thing to do, because it is on our summer To Do List, and because soon she won't even want to be seen with me in public, let alone talk to me.

Seizing the day,
Darla

Piece by Piece

I am an artist. No matter what other labels I wear in this world; mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, speaker, teacher, author, and others which aren’t so pleasant that have been flung at me rather than bestowed, I am, in my heart an artist. My choice of media may change but everything to me is a work of art in progress, including life.

A few years ago when we were renovating our basement I wanted to include a mosaic countertop that celebrated my husband’s Rhode Island heritage and more specifically lobsters. For weeks my brain incubated and imagined designs, colors, and the finished project. I explored cavernous home improvement stores, tile shops, and art supply chains to find inspiration and materials until finally I was ready to begin the work.

I loved smashing the pieces of tile and getting grout all over my hands. (Did I mention I am often a messy artist?) I enjoyed trying piece upon piece until they achieved the angle and fit I was looking for. Then a funny thing began to happen. The more I toiled, the more I saw the whole made up of pieces that didn’t fit perfectly together. Certainly it didn’t look how I had first imagined it. Those pieces I had carefully selected began to look more like a misfit than a fit!

Isn’t that how we feel about our lives sometimes? We make choices, have jobs, change jobs, build relationships, leave relationships, buy homes, move, move again, start over, try again and keep it up over and over. How can all of these disjointed
pieces of our life ever fit together to make a worthwhile whole? This wasn’t how I imagined it! But the answer is not in the pieces; it is in the ‘grout’ that holds our life together. The tidbits, experiences, and memories, really the character and essence that make us who we are and who we will and can choose to become. What and how we choose to fill in the spaces is as important as the big pieces, in fact maybe more important.

What do you choose to fill up the spaces of your life? What holds you together and makes you complete? What are you committed to no matter what happens to the exterior you? Some days I know exactly what it is, I am sure of myself, I am on a mission. Other days I am lost in space trying to figure it out, but no matter what I never give up.

Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life says, “Nothing shapes your life more than the commitments you choose to make. Your commitments can develop you or they can destroy you, but either way, they will define you. Tell me what you are committed to, and I’ll tell you what you will be in twenty years. We become whatever we are committed to.”

Take time in the next week to examine your commitment choices. Is this the grout you want to hold your life together? Is it working, does it feel right? If not change it now. It is never too late to do the right thing.

The Mother Load

I know that May is over, but I am still stuck on the plight of mothers. When my daughter was an infant a friend of mine who was not yet a mom asked me “What is it like being in the club?” What club, I asked. “The Mother Club”. She saw it as a very exclusive, special, all knowing existence of purpose. And in the beginning I felt that way too.

Because I came late to motherhood and never expected to be one, I saw it as an amazing accomplishment that I never thought I would attain. I savored each proud moment of childhood development with wonderment and a ‘pinch me I can’t believe this is happening to me’ feeling. Now, years later, so much has changed.

Technically I’m still in the ‘club’ but rarely does a day go by that I don’t feel like someone made a terrible mistake and I should never have been allowed to be a mother. Maybe there was a mix up. The job of mothering is the most gut wrenching, humbling, exhausting, unpredictable, unheralded thing I have ever done. Instead of feeling better about my ability to mother as time goes by, I feel less capable with each passing day. I don’t think I was cut out to be a mother at all.

And so, I guess, goes motherhood. Just when I think I’ve maybe got it right-Wham-it knocks me for a loop and I have to start all over again. For me, right now, it seems like a trial by fire and the fire is winning.

I’d like to give up, but I can’t, my nature won’t let me, so I will remain, as steadfast as I can, dealing with the Mother Load.